If I Am
by firewrath
Summary: Harry goes up to the Astronomy tower to study for his final the next day, and sees Ginny standing at the edge, looking sad. A discussion reveals sadness and a past relationship. Songfic to Ninedays If I Am.


If I Am

Disclaimer:  Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter.  As much as I want to, I don't.  I also don't own the song, If I Am, NineDays does.

Author's notes:  Give it a chance, please, and don't forget to review and let me know what you think.  But I beg, no flames.  Please be kind.  ::makes puppy eyes::

~**~

Harry walked up the stairs to the top of the Astronomy tower.  His final was the next day, and he wanted to get a little studying done.  It was his last exam at Hogwarts, and he wanted it to be his best too.

When he reached the top, he looked out and saw Ginny standing at the edge and looking down.  She was so close, there was only a few inches separating her from a long fall.  Her eyes had a far off look in them; she seemed to be reflecting on something.

As Harry approached, he called out to her.  When she faced him, and her mind returned to her body, he could see the pain reflecting in her eyes.  Instantly, he knew something was wrong.  He couldn't think of what was going on, but he feared for her.  Seeing her like this was just too hard, especially after the past year.

"Ginny, what's wrong?"  He asked her.  "You look kinda down."

She looked into his eyes, and her pain seemed so strong, it was almost tangible.  "I come up here sometimes, when I need to think.  There is something about this place; it's quite, no siblings around for once.  For the time I am here, it's like no one else exists."

Harry gave her a questioning look; he had heard all the Weasley siblings talking about the crowding and lack of privacy; about how it was impossible to be alone, but never like this, especially not from Ginny.

_So you're standing on a ledge_

_It looks like you might fall_

_So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping_

_Now you could have it all_

_If you learned a little patience_

_For thought I cannot fly_

_I'm not content to crawl…._

Answering his unspoken question, she elaborated.  "I have nothing in this world, maybe in the future, there will be something for me, but I don't want to wait."  She glanced away and her mind seemed to once again drift off.

"Come on Ginny," Harry said, "don't talk like that.  Even if you seem overshadowed now, just think of what tomorrow may bring."

"I told you, I just can't wait that long."  She replied, still staring out into space.

"Ginny, I can't stand to see you like this," Harry said, "I told you, before, we may have had are differences in the past few weeks, but I still mean what I said, I love you, I always will.  Trust me, things will look better tomorrow; just see what tomorrow brings.  Trust me, it's not to late for us."

Ginny sighed and for a second, she looked into Harry's eyes.  She almost seemed happy again, but it only lasted a moment.

_So give me a little credit_

Have in me a little faith 

_I want to be with you forever_

If tomorrow's not too late… 

"I can't do this anymore," Ginny murmured softly.  "Please just go, and let me sort through this myself.  I can't talk about this with you.  It'll get my hopes up, and I don't want to see them shattered again."

"If you don't talk to me about this, then you won't even see what could happen," Harry begged.  "I know I can help, I won't let you down."

Ginny faced away from Harry, and stared at the stone wall opposite the ledge she stood on.  "But I have nothing, I lost the only thing I did care for.  Trust me, it is too late."

_But it's always too late when you've got nothing,_

_So you say…_

_But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow_

_Before the sun rises today…._

_If I am_

_Another waste of everything you dreamed of_

_I will let you down…_

_If I am_

_Only here to watch you as you suffer_

_I will let you down…._

Harry reached deep down into his soul, trying to find a way to reach her, but it seemed impossible.  She couldn't even let him help her.  Her spirit seemed so far diminished; he didn't think she could be reached.

Ginny began to pace along the edge, staring down into the blackness.  It was such a long drop; you couldn't see the bottom in the black of night.  She seemed to be building the courage to drop off into the abyss.

"Ginny, don't do it," Harry begged.  "If you die, a part of me will die to.  Please, I know that you want more than you have now.  You're not happy, but at least stick it out for now."

_So you're walking on the edge_

_And you wait your turn to fall_

_But you're so far gone_

_That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you…._

_And you could find the fault_

_In the heart that you've been handed_

_For though you cannot fly_

_You're not content to crawl…._

_So you're standing on a ledge_

_It looks like you might fall…_

Feeling Harry's pain, Ginny stopped her pacing, and once more turned to face him.  His words seemed to reach her, but her soul still longed for more.

"Ginny," Harry murmured, "We can take it one day at a time; I promise, I will be here with you.  I can't promise that things will end up perfect, things never do.  But I can promise that I will stand bye you, and I will not let you down.

His plea wasn't quite what she was looking for, but….

_The answers we find_

_Are never what we had in mind_

_So we make it up as we go along…_

_You don't talk of dreams_

_I won't mention tomorrow_

_And we won't make those promises that we can't keep…_

_I will never leave you _

_I will not let you down…_

_I will never leave you_

_I will not let you down…_

_~**~_

A/N:  Well, let me know if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them, if there are ones.  And please, review!!!


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